


Missing the War

by Space_Rock_Enby



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Pink Diamond's Pearl (in passing), Steven Universe Future, post prickly pair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22684648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Rock_Enby/pseuds/Space_Rock_Enby
Summary: A thoughtful Pearl and a troubled Steven take a moment on the beach.
Relationships: Pearl & Steven Universe
Comments: 13
Kudos: 80
Collections: Steven Universe Completed Recommended Reads





	Missing the War

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fanfic. I've been pondering this for a bit. I hope you like it.

_'Till beads of sunlight hit me in the morning_

_So much time so little to say_

_Time may fly_

_And dreams may die_

_The shaking voice that tells him go_

_Still thinks he might_

_He knows he won't_

_I'm missing the war_

_Missing the war all night_

_Missing the war_

  * Ben Folds Five - ‘Missing the War’



The night tide rolled on the beach pulling back the sand and revealing those things hidden underneath before concealing them again. Above the clouds were engaged in a similar action, full, white and luminous they drifted in from the horizon hiding and exposing the moon and stars.

Pearl found the gentle sounds of ocean waves and wind relaxing. Clad in only an oversized shirt she had gotten from… somewhere. Normally, she didn’t indulge in human clothing preferring the exactness of things she generated herself, but tonight she wanted something physical to touch her skin and something thin enough to allow the mist and wind to chill her. 

She wanted to feel for the first time in ages. Something in her was changing, pulling away layers of self-doubt and hurt. Something was revealing itself that had been buried for a long long time. She didn’t notice the figure forming in the sand at her feet until just before the tide washed it away. A lithe, graceful figure, hair coiled up into two perfect buns on the side of her head. A smile on her face. One eye looking up hopeful and loving. The other eye…

There was a shuffle in the sand behind her. She turned to see Steven standing there staring out in the ocean. Light from the house cast a warm glow behind him, giving him a faint halo of light. The colder light of the moon and cast a pall upon his face. She could see the dark pools under his eyes even from a distance. His face, once a mask of exuberance, was blank. Even though he had grown so big over these last few years, he seemed so small right now. He looked drained and faint. 

Steven looked at her and offered a small wave. Oh stars, she must have been staring at him this whole time. 

“Oh.. uh, Steven. Hello. Would you like to come and sit with me?”

Steven hesitated, just a few years ago he would have bounded over to her gladly, his uncertainty hurt more than she realized. He rubbed the back of his head and looked away for just a moment too long before finally making his way over to her spot on the rocks.

“Hey Pearl, just thought I’d take in some night air. It’s finally quiet around here.”

The front of the house was still under repair after that Earth plant had gone berzerk, Bismuth thought it would be a good idea for some of the Homeschool Gems to try their hand at using Earth materials. It was not a good idea, the front was still a mess. Somewhere along the line, the Homeschoolers added too many windows and doors and what looked like the bow of a ship? The noise surrounding the process was tremendous. Pearl could even hear it in her room and that existed in another dimension.

“Yes, I concur. We could all use a little peace and quiet lately. Things have been… er, tense,” Pearl wilted. That didn’t come out right at all. Even after all this time, subtlety eluded her.

Steven didn’t seem to acknowledge she had said anything. He just kept looking out towards the water. He was holding back something. There was a time when she couldn’t imagine him holding back anything. The Steven of a few years ago ran around spilling his thoughts and emotions on everyone around him. It was surprising and in the end, she supposed, freeing. Seeming him struggle now was painful. Pushing down things that wanted, no needed to come out. 

She understood that pain intimately.

She also understood, fairly recently, that those things couldn’t be forced out. They required time and patience and lots of work. The best thing she could do was just sit and listen. Just sit and wait. Be there for him, but give him the space he needed.

They sat and listened to the water.

They sat and listened to the breeze.

“Pearl… uh, could I ask you… could I ask you a question? It’s kind of personal though.”

“Of course, Steven. I don’t keep secrets anymore.”

That graceful pink form, so much like yours. That smile. That- Okay, stop.

Steven turned his whole body to face her, his face tense as he spoke, “Do you miss it?”

“Miss it?”

“The War. Do you miss the Gem War?”

Ooh, that hit home. She didn’t see that one coming. She didn’t even think Garnet’s future vision would have seen that coming. The question stirred up a lot of images in her mind. She felt flushed even in the chilled night air. 

“Well, I suppose in some ways, yes. Yes, I do. Don’t get me wrong, the war was terrible. So much was lost. There was so much heartbreak and pain. A millennium of wondering if it was all going to come crashing down on you… and then it did.”

A crack as a heavier wave broke against the shore.

“But at the same time, there was glory, victory, and… purpose! Days when we’d achieve the impossible. Days when I’d never be prouder to stand next to the rest of the rebellion. Days when Rose would look at me and…”

She felt her eyes grow wet. She had taken huge steps to keep Rose in her heart but live her own life, the memories still stung as sharp as ever.

She laughed dryly, “I guess you could say I have mixed feelings.”

She wiped her tears away on the sleeve of her shirt. The blurriness of her vision cleared and she could see Steven on the verge of tears himself.

“I miss it,” Steve seemingly to himself.

“The War?” Pearl asked a little confused.

“My war I suppose. Our war. Going on missions. Helping you and the others with your problems. Facing down Malachite or the Diamonds. We all suffered a lot, but at the same time, we were all together working towards something. Relying on one another. People relying on me.”

He looked up directly into her eyes. There was something so lost in his own dark pupils, she wanted to reach out and hold him, but to do so would break the spell that was allowing him to open up, so she sat quietly and listened.

“What’s the point of me now? No one needs me. Everyone is moving on without me,” his voice was still flat and emotionless but there was a little hitch in his breath suppressing his emotions. His hands clenched tight, balled into fists as they shook.

Pearl watched shocked as his skin tone began to change, growing bright pink. There was a charge in the air like lightning was about to strike. The wind picked up intensity, the waves crashed against the shore harder.

“Steven," she intoned carefully trying to keep the rising panic from her voice, “I think you and I have a lot in common. Finding your own purpose after a big change is… hard.”

Steven stared at her, shaking, angry, sad, terrified, trying to hold it all together.

Pearl took a moment and spoke again, “Conflict can give us purpose, but all conflicts end one way or another and if you’re lucky enough to be standing at the end, you’ve got to find your own reasons to live. I think that is harder than any single battle I’ve ever fought. I still don’t know if I’m going to win sometimes.”

Another beat, give him time to process.

“I’ve learned one thing, you’re loved, I’m loved. We’re afloat in so much love, Steven, and even when our anger and fear threaten to overwhelm us, that love is still there and it’s not going away. We’ll figure things out or maybe we won’t, but we’ll never really be alone. You have to believe that., you have to let yourself be loved.”

His eyes clenched shut.

“We love you, Steven, no matter what.”

The pink glow slipped away from him. His whole body slumped. He practically fell headfirst onto her lap. Pearl scrambled to pull her shirt down further over her thighs to maintain some kind of propriety. He remained there for a long time. Pearl gently ran her fingers through his hair.

“Pearl… I need some help.”

“Okay, I’ll do whatever I can for you, I know the others will too.”

“Is it alright if we just stay here just a little longer?”

“Yes, of course.”

The morning tide rolled on the beach pulling back the sand and revealing those things hidden underneath before concealing them again. Above the clouds were engaged in a similar action, full, white and luminous they drifted in from the horizon hiding and exposing the rising sun.  
  



End file.
